Grooming: The Reality Of The Issue And The Harm of Misinformation

Since early spring, at least a dozen state governments have restricted or banned discussions about sexual orientation under the justification that it is developmentally inappropriate for students at all grade levels. As typified by Florida’s law known as “Don’t Say Gay,” this legislative trend has often been accompanied by calls to prevent the “grooming” of children by pedophiles.

While the debates around these laws have focused on their impact for the LGBTQ community, anti-trafficking advocates also have been concerned about the misappropriation of language: what constitutes “grooming” and how does this term impact policy discussions around education and medical care?

The Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines grooming as, “the criminal activity of becoming friends with a child in order to try to persuade the child to have a sexual relationship.” To gain a fuller understanding of the process involved in breaking down a child’s natural defenses, ECPAT-USA turned to those who have firsthand knowledge of grooming. Members of ECPAT-USA’s Survivors’ Council shared their insights from their experiences in the commercial sex trade to clarify what it truly means to be groomed and who is really affected. 

Shanifa Bennett describes grooming as “when an adult, or whoever is exploiting you, earns your trust by buying you things or protecting you… but then starts using this trust to separate you from your family and other people you trust… so they can exploit you, usually sexually.” Cristian Eduardo and Lali Martinez agree that grooming happens when an adult is seeking an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor. Whether it's a teacher, a family member, a close friend, or just someone in your community, the distinction between grooming and a healthy adult-youth relationship comes when “the adult is actively trying to create a sexual relationship with this child,” says Lali. 

Both the Cambridge dictionary definition and the perspectives from the ECPAT-USA’s Survivors’ Council highlight the significance of intention. These survivors each noted the hypothetical groomer’s intention to commit sexual harm to a child. While this is a valuable area for conversation, it is important to note that the intent of those programs is education and awareness, not a precursor to sexual abuse. And despite the heated rhetoric about pedophile teachers in public schools, lawmakers have provided no evidence to support their claims.

Education is at the core of efforts to disrupt trafficking. Shanifa believes that doing one’s own research is critical to understanding – and ultimately preventing – child sex trafficking and exploitation. ECPAT-USA has been at the forefront of this work, partnering with schools across the country to provide age-appropriate information about online safety, healthy relationships (both romantic and platonic), and human trafficking patterns and indicators. In these courses, students are active participants, debating the ground rules for posting photos of themselves on social media, sharing intimate photos and personal information in online relationships, and when to seek help for a friend who seems to be with an abusive and controlling partner. ECPAT-USA Youth Educators are constantly impressed by the wisdom of these students - and their thirst for information. It is this knowledge, say members of our Survivors’ Council, that will ultimately protect them from sex trafficking and online exploitation.

In contrast, inflammatory accusations of “grooming” in schools usurp a legitimate child safety concern to advance an agenda that is both discriminatory and dangerous. The exclusion of any mention of LGBTQ identities from the classroom is “rooted on the idea that all gay people are pedophiles, to say that as a gay male, that everyone in the LGBTQ community is targeting kids for sexual abuse or sex trafficking is… rooted on homophobia, transphobia, discrimination, and fear of those who are different,” says Cristian Eduardo. Shanifa describes the conflation of LGBTQ awareness with grooming a way to ‘tarnish the community.’” By falling on “grooming” as shorthand for “child abuse,” Lali sees “a big excuse to try to blame the community for something that has nothing to do with us.” 

Ostracizing the LGBTQ community through the term “grooming” fosters other harms. Besides fabricating baseless theories that demonize a targeted population, the misuse of terminology also creates new trafficking opportunities by obscuring the true meaning of “grooming”. Instead of focusing on real grooming indicators, this attack on education misdirects scrutiny from those who actually harm children. Censoring conversations about sexuality incites a culture of misinformation that can impede the identification of youth who are being exploited. 

Cristian Eduardo expresses concern that mislabeled depictions of sexual orientation and identity as “grooming” puts LGTBQ+ children at greater risk of abuse by isolating them. “What [legislators] are doing is creating vulnerabilities that traffickers and abusers are going to use to explore,” he says. “They’re telling children you're not welcome because you are gay or because you're transgender. In your home, you're not welcome. In your school, you’re not welcome. So [traffickers] are going to fill that need. And what they are doing in reality with this is opening the door for grooming for real abusers and traffickers. They are just creating the perfect space for human trafficking to happen to all these kids that they are swearing to protect.”

Listening to those who have experienced grooming firsthand, it becomes clear that intentional misrepresentation of these issues ignores the needs and safety of children and encourages traffickers to exploit these same children who are now at risk. “We are here fighting for you, you are not alone,” says Cristian Eduardo to LGBTQ+ youth. “There's nothing wrong with you. You are not doing anything wrong. You are not an abuser because you identify this way. You deserve all the love, compassion, and acceptance in the world.”

ECPAT-USA continues to support every child’s right to grow up free from sexual exploitation and trafficking.